Oh wow, I haven't been on here in a long time. Let's see what's happened...

My best friend broke up with his new girlfriend, already. My best friend's best friend and I never went on that date, and he turned out to be a real.. um.. to put it nicely, arrogant moron. That "other" guy and I have completely stopped talking, he tried IM'ing me the other day, but I wasn't home, and he lost his phone, so I can't contact him, and it also mean he doesn't have my number, and I have no way of giving it to him. Pooper.

None of this really matters, because I have a guy! Okay, okay, okay. We're not "officially" dating, but we're in a lot of classes together, I've liked him before in the past, we're going to be hanging out on our next day off (two fridays from now) and today he shyly invited me to come over to his house. He's the most adorable boy, and personally, I used to think he was out of my league up until this year. I've changed a lot this year, and I never would have realized that we're good for each other until one of our mutual good friends pointed it out to us that we're cute together and we make each other laugh and we're compatible. Everything's really great right now.

My best friend and I have been significantly drifting. He's been busy with what I call his slutty entourage. (He has so many girls in his life right now that are interested in him, it's ridiculous), and I've been busy with my boy and my other guy friends that we haven't really spoken much, and we haven't seen each other in over a month. Things have been seriously hectic, and the distance keeps us pretty much apart. I now have realized that I will always have the slightest feelings for him, they won't go away, but I can say honestly at this moment in time, I don't want a relationship with him, I'm not in love with him, and so what if he gives me butterflies? My feelings for him have diminished a lot, I'm not sure if it's just because our closeness has kind of disappeared, or because we haven't seen each other and spent time together in a month and I'm just forgetting how amazing it feels to be with him, or what? But the feelings have definitely gone down a significant amount, to the point where I can basically say I don't have any. I know I still do though, so I won't make that bold of a statement. Anyways, we had a good talk today, the first one in a long time. Lately, when we've been on the phone it's been kind of hurried and there's been a lot of tension and fighting, but today it was cute and playful like we normally are. At the beginning it was kind of harsh though, we were talking about love, and he said he loved me, and I laughed and made a sarcastic comment about how that couldn't possibly be true. I was just kidding around, but he got seriously offended saying something to the affect of "I will never stop loving you." and then made another comment like "I will never be able to replace you, and I will never try to replace you." It made everything seem good again. Although we're distant at the moment, it felt like we were a million times closer again.

I hope everybody else is doing good, sorry I haven't been talking to anybody in a bit. I've been seriously wicked busy. I'm going to call my best friend and go to bed. Goodnight. <3

So, now I think our friendship is going to be hurt a bit. Him and his guy-best friend met these girls, and he's already infatuated with one of them. It's hurting me, but in a different way than I expected. I expected to be upset that he found a new girl and wouldn't want to be with me, but that's not how I feel at all. I'm glad he's moving on from his ex (who I absolutely can not stand), but I'm hurt in the fact that I'm feeling like I'm going to lose him. The thing with his ex is, they never talked on the phone, they rarely hung out, they didn't talk online, and basically to keep their relationship alive all they did was text, so I was pretty much his main squeeze. We were always on the phone, always texting, always talking online, hanging out whenever we wanted. Now he's met this girl and she's become first priority... even though it's been two days. Me and him got in a fight last night, over nothing really, and then he immediately called this girl. I'm feeling more replaced in the best friend department than anything, and the fact that he's finding a girlfriend isn't affecting me at all. I mean, he even already blew me off for her yesterday, when he's been hanging out with her every moment since he's met her, and I haven't seen him in a week. She already confessed she likes him, and they've already said "I love you" to each other (which is a different story, I freaked out cause it's only been two days.. and he has some warped idea of what it means to say I love you, and I always try to convince him differently, but whatever). Eh, I feel like I'm going to lose him, and this girl is going to take my place, and this is the absolute worst feeling I've ever had.

Ugh, I feel sick. I don't want to lose my best friend. I don't care if we never ever date, or if he has a million zillion girlfriends, or if he leads me on a thousand times over, I just don't want to lose my best friend

Original title, huh?

No, I'm not going to sit here and lavish you with all the numerous sweet things my best friend has done for me, I'll try to be brief as possible and still get my point across...

We met a few years ago, and he has always had girlfriends from the time that we became close. I have no idea how we stumbled upon each other, and neither does he, but we both agree that we're two very significant people in each other's lives. He helps me through everything, and is, unmistakenably, the only person I trust. We've come close to dating once, he asked me out while he was dating another girl though, and told me he was going to break up with her, and when he did, he wanted to date me. Uh... no. I did tell him I liked him too, and he promised that over the summer he wanted to spend as much time as possible with me and maybe things would fall in place for us. With that in mind, I prepared myself for the best summer of my life.

Wrong again, young one.

He broke up with his girlfriend, finally, and hooked up with one of my close friends at a party. I was hurt, but I wasn't mad, at either of them. I forgive easily, and don't really hold grudges. I told him that I didn't think I could be around him for awhile, and we stopped speaking for about a month til I got the "I miss you" texts, phone calls, and messages. He was my best friend, so this not-speaking thing was doing more harm than it was helping. Eventually, I gave in and we resumed our previous friendship. It's been a year since that incident, and we are more close than we have ever been. He's in a long term relationship with the girl he hooked up with that night, and they're approaching one year. Everything is perfectly good between us now. Or, so I thought.

We have always been a flirty duo, more flirty than him and his own girlfriend. We hold hands, he gives me piggy back rides, we give each other eskimo kisses, we snuggle, we have hour long phone conversations every night, we have sleepovers, and I've even reached the pathetic point where if I'm upset, I can't fall asleep without him. This leads to people thinking we're dating... which drives his girlfriend absolutely crazy. He's received numerous threats from her that if he continues to hang out with me, she will dump him. I tell him that I just want him to be happy, and if he wants to be with her, I'd understand. He laughs in my face, every single time, tells her to suck it up, and they get on with their relationship, and we get on with ours. The point is, everybody that sees us together assumes we're dating, when I have to continuously tell all my friends and family that he is, in fact, dating another girl, I get screamed at. Not because of my wrong-doing, because he has never cheated on her with me in any way, but because they think we are "just the cutest couple" and the two of them together "are not even close to right." They've broken up and gotten back together more times than I can count.

The most recent time they've broken up has been the weirdest though, he confessed his feelings for me. He told me he wanted to date me, but as long as it didn't break our friendship. Before I even knew what was  happening, he was dating her again. These mixed signals are killing me...